Haberdashery was never meant to be intimidating. We now know the procedure for our Koumpounophobic customers. They ring to say they are coming and we ask the Pearly Kings and Queens to leave.
It’s the fear of the small, round, plastic thing with holes in. They are dirty and nasty and wrong and you wouldn’t touch them because it would be like touching a cockroach and you’d definitely have to wash your hands, several times.
The big ‘four holers’ are the worst, especially if they are detached, or dangling on the end of a thread. To be left alone with one could lead to dry mouth, breathlessness, panic attacks and vomiting. It is an irrational fear, surprising from our sensible, practical customers. We asked one lady how they affected her and she said,
“I could not come near my dad when he put on a shirt to go to work. It was ok, when the buttons were covered by his tie, but mind you if one button was peering out of there. I would cringe and run. If I was to open a box of them they might be looking at me. I even took the glass eyes off my Teddy Bear, I couldn’t stand them.”
Metal-type b****ns (like on jeans) are no problem; it's the small plastic type, especially clear & shiny ones, that are the worst. It’s possible to imagine that they smell bad and the air around them is dirty, and anything that has had contact with them is gross.
If any of you are offended by the not really said subject, please do not be afraid to come in our shop, just book an appointment and we can show you our selection of poppers. For the rest of you, they come in every colour and they are 15p each